What a fucking waste of an outfit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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