he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize
