The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
