i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
