Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
