Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
