You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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