i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
