Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
