Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
