These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
