I think I died a long time ago.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
