it was like his penis was on wheels.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
