I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
