She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
