hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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