my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
