I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
