She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
