Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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