My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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