My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
