dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
