My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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