i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
