I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
