We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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