Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
