Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
