dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
