I don't think brook has ever known best
im six kinds of drunk right now
I cut my penus on the lid.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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