And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
