Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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