I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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