I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
