at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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