We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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