..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
