I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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