Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pants are for mortals
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
