it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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