We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
