im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
