Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
