Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
