Kiss
Puke
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
