Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
