Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dicks are not precious.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
