What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
