You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
