my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
