I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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