Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
